Despite what today’s society screams out at us, our kids don’t actually NEED all of these popular mind-blowing “must-haves.” They might WANT them (and really, who wouldn’t? I’ve gotta admit, some of the things they’ve come out with now are pretty sweet), but material items are not what will satisfy the deep yearning that far too many kids hold deep inside and that’s been drowned out by society’s cry for more “stuff” in their lives. Our kids need something far more valuable and lasting that what money can buy, and that’s parents…REAL parents.
What do I mean by our kids needing “real” parents? Well, it’s quite simple. In this day and age, so many kids are being raised by only one parent, and it’s usually the mother (not always, as I know there are a few exceptions to this rule). The most common scenarios are that the mother either became pregnant out of wedlock and was left by the father of the child, or the mother and father were married at one point, but it ended in divorce for one reason or another, thus leaving the child with only one parent as the main figure in their life. Children need to have two parents of the opposite sex (male father, female mother) active in their lives. They need parents who will love, care for, discipline, and be supportive of them.
Over the past several years I have worked with kids of varying ages and in different settings; some in the Head Start Program, others in church youth groups, 4-H clubs, and most recently, a children’s home. I think working at a Head Start Program for two years, and now a few months at the children’s home is what has really opened my eyes to this need for real parents. Divorce, premarital and teen sex, and out-of-wedlock births have become so much more the norm in today’s society that it’s almost uncommon to find whole families where both mother and father are married to one another, have a healthy and solid relationship with each other and their kids, and are actively involved their kids’ lives. Below is a chart to give you the full idea of just how much our society has fallen over the past 60 years.
NATIONAL STATISTICS FOR THE UNITED STATES (1950-2010)
Out of Wedlock Births:
1960: 4% - 2010: 41%
Single Adults:
1950: 33% - 2010: 50%
Couples Living Together Before Marriage:
1960: 4% - 2010: 60%
Marriage After Couples Have Lived Together First:
1960: 4% - 2010: 60%
Divorce Rates:
1960: 2.2 per 1,000 couples – 2010: 3.4 per 1,000 couples
Children Living with Both Parents:
1960: 87.7% - 2010: 69.4%
Children Living with Only Their Mothers (who were never married):
1960: 4.3% - 2010: 43.6%
When seeing these statistics for the first time, I was both surprised, yet not entirely so. It’s scary seeing just how much the divorce and immorality rates have skyrocketed within our nation in just 60 years. I think what saddens me the most though is the fact that I actually KNOW kids who are indeed affected by all of this in both my former and current line of work. It’s all just numbers and graphs until one actually works with these kids on a daily basis.
I can confidently say that in my near 6 months of working at the local children’s home, I have not seen one father figure in any of the lives of the 12-17 year old boys I work with. My coworkers (who have worked 16 or more years at this particular place or in similar areas of work) have stated that they too have yet to see any fathers.
While our kids need to have both parents present in their daily lives, they tend to struggle even more when the father isn’t involved. Girls who are missing the father figure tend to look for a mate who possess more fathering qualities and who offer them the same sort of relationship that they missed throughout their childhood and youth. More often than not, this type of relationship doesn’t end well. Boys tend to struggle even more so. There has been a dramatic rise in crime, illegal drug and alcohol abuse, rapes, adolescent murders, and domestic and sexual abuse (towards not only females, but males as well, and the offenses are committed by both sexes), as well as a major decline in males being eligible for the military (only 1 in 4 qualify), and modesty among women, just to name a few. Why is this? Well, it all stems from boys not having a dad to teach them how to be real and godly men, nor girls having a dad to show them what they really should and need to look for in a future husband, let alone how they should conduct themselves as godly women (this isn’t to say that the mother isn’t capable of this, but that a father’s input is also quite vital in her upbringing). They need type of love, support, and guidance that only a father can give.
In 2011, Sherwood Pictures released their fourth movie, titled ‘Courageous’ (previous movies being ‘Fireproof’, ‘Facing the Giants’ and ‘Flywheel’). For those of you who have not already seen it, I would strongly encourage you to do so – men, women, and children alike. It’s a family film full of action, a little bit of suspense, drama, and clean humor, yet it still delivers a very touching and powerful message to not only men who are or may become fathers one day, but to women as well. It points out the need for our men to step up to the plate and become the godly fathers, husbands, and heads of the house that God calls them to be. It sends a message to us women as well, demonstrating how God calls us to conduct ourselves in public and in the home, and how to be the godly, supportive and loving roles that our husbands, children, and other family members vitally need in their lives. As for those of you who have already seen this amazing movie…SEE IT AGAIN! It definitely can’t hurt.
Our children need fathers. And they need mothers. God has created them with the deep need to have both in their lives, to teach and guide them in the way they should go. If more parents took a stand and strove to be the kind of parents God calls them to be with His help, then there wouldn’t be half the broken homes, abuse, divorce rates, or the escalation in crime and murders as there has been in recent years. Our sons would have fathers and mothers who could teach them how to be real men, and our daughters would have the same to teach them how to be faithful and loving women.
So, for this Christmas at least, why not change our focus? Indeed, Christmas isn’t about how many presents end up under the tree with little Susie’s name on them, or how expensive the gift is, but rather it is about the one and most perfect gift of all: Jesus Christ our Lord. God showed His love for all of us by sending His only begotten Son to earth. Christ came as a meek and humble babe, born to a virgin in a stable. He was in the form of man, yet still fully God. A gift so wonderfully simple and precious, yet so indescribably complex that our human minds can hardly imagine it. God gave His one and only Son to later become the pure and perfect sacrifice for every sin we’ve ever committed or ever will commit, and to offer us the blessed gift of salvation by His grace and through faith in Him alone. God – our Father – has blessed us with such a wonderful gift of love.
Instead of spending all our time and energy on finding the “perfect” material gift for our kids, why don’t we focus on giving them something that they REALLY need in their lives: their parents? Let’s take some time to actually DO something fun WITH our children. Maybe have a family movie night together, or bake and decorate cookies. Pick out a book that everyone enjoys, and spend an evening or two reading and discussing it together. Find favorite games to play, or make up your own. Let’s give our kids something that they can cherish for a lifetime. Parents, give your children YOU, and give them your love.
(*To find out more about the movie, 'Courageous', check out their website: http://www.courageousthemovie.com/)
Written By: Stephanie DeFoyd
So true. Even in my life, I've looked back and examined how my life would be different. If my Dad hadn't been around, or paid attention to me, I know I would've gone off the deep end. He hasn't always been here for me, but this past year, God has been really working on him and the rest of our family. God is good. Sometimes, it takes more patience than we want. Healing has come and is still coming. Without my Mom by my side, I wouldn't have been able to get through what I have. I feel bad for the kids, as mentioned in your blog, who've only had one parent, but I also admire them for their perseverance in spit of it, and making a life for themselves. But the solution to this, is men taking initiative to be leaders and help boys like in the children's home. The same goes for the girls. No matter if they think they need it or not, they are always searching for that Dad to lead them and protect them. Divorce is another thing. Whether or not the parents think so, the kids will feel guilty over it. They'll think that maybe they did something to make it happen, or maybe they could have stopped it, or it translates later on down the line, in their own marriages. No, divorce doesn't condemn them to hell, but now a days, it is often the solution to a temporary problem. Instead of working through those problems, the solution is divorce. But it's a temporary fix, because if those problems aren't fixed, they will become a problem in that relationship on down the line or it will be a recurring situation in relationships. Kids will witness this and see it a reflect it. All in all, the problem is where God has been kicked out. Because of that, society has taken a fall for the worst. This may seem radical, but so is God. :)
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