Stressed, worried, frustrated, easily agitated over the silliest things, not very pleasant to be around, annoyed, hurting and not fully sure why, wondering how I was going to make it through the day – yeah, this was basically the story of my life for about two weeks or more. So many things were going on and happening all at once that I felt completely overwhelmed by it all. I wasn’t sure how to process everything or how I was supposed to handle it. Life just seemed really harsh all the sudden and I kept asking myself the same question over and over: “Why?”
“Just give it all to God,” I was told. “He will take care of everything. You should know that.” Oh, I knew it all right. I knew He could take this messy life of mine and turn it into something beautiful. I even recited a certain Bible verse trying to remind myself constantly of this fact – Romans 8:28. I prayed that God would help me, that He would see me through. I even asked Him to take the load that was weighting me down and turn it into something for His glory. There was one little problem though: I didn’t give it to Him. Not fully, anyway. Oh, I thought that I had, but I hadn’t, not truly. I was still holding on to it, trying to handle everything all by myself. My result: I was an even bigger mess than when this whole thing started.
Last night I broke down and started crying. I was so overwhelmed and I was noticing just how horrible I was acting toward others, mainly my own family. I started asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this?” I blamed it on the fact that so many things were going on and I was just totally stressed. Well, yeah, that was part of it. Then it hit me: “You know, I wouldn’t be so stressed out if I had actually given it all to God and let Him take control of the situation in the very beginning instead of trying to do it myself. I wouldn’t be such a wreck right now!”
Tears streaming down my face, in my heart I cried, “God, take it! Please take control of this situation! I don’t want to take the lead anymore. Want to follow you. You know what is best for me, and you have a marvelous plan for my life. Help me to fully let it all go, and to trust in you wholeheartedly! …”
Not long afterward, I got ready for bed. My heart felt light, I was smiling for the first time in days, and, yes, I was actually humming to myself. (I decided not to sing out loud – even though I wanted to – in consideration of the rest of my family who had already gone to bed and for the fact that it was past “quiet time” at our complex). I hadn’t felt this good for so long! The burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt truly free for the first time in quite a while.
At one point the same old questions tried to work their way into my mind again: “How will I be able to do this?” and “What if …?” I shook my head and said to myself, “So what? I’m in good hands. Why do I need to worry about that anymore? If this is His will, it’ll happen. If it’s not, then, I guess it won’t. He’s got a plan far greater than I know or can imagine, and God always keeps His promises. I have no reason to worry.”
You know, trials can either make you stronger or tear you apart. It just depends on how you decide to handle them. If you do as I did in the beginning and try to handle it all alone -- let me tell you friend, it’s a rough and scary road. But if you lay it before the throne and trust Him wholeheartedly, I can assure you you’ll not regret it. But don’t take my word for it. Give it to God. He can turn a complete mess into something beautiful…and save you from a whole ton of pointless stress and heartache. I know. I’ve been there.
No comments:
Post a Comment