For the past few weeks the book we had been going over in Bible study was 'The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment' by Tim Challies. In one of the final chapters, there was an optional assignment for us to put what we had learned about discernment into practice. We were to come up with a statement that we've heard people give (such as, "God says not to judge, so don't be judging me," etc.) and find out whether or not it is truth (truth fully backed up by Scripture). Below is a copy of a friend's submission for the assignment.
Written By: Sarah Iddings - March, 2015
Statement: "It is not morally wrong for me to live with my significant other before marriage."
What is at stake: Sexual morality, obedience to God.
What people say:
You need to live with someone before marriage because...
1.) There are all kinds of things you will never learn about a guy until you live with them. And vice versa.
2.) You should want to be with your guy because YOU LOVE HIM, period. Whether you get married or not is secondary.
3.) If you're too set in your ways to live with someone, you're too set in your ways to get married. There are compromises all over the place, even with someone you're really compatible with.
4.) Learning to coexist with someone, especially after you've been single and on your own for a long time, is difficult. Very difficult. Getting engaged also brings with it so many stresses and difficulties, that it seems like the worst possible time to move in together. It's so much better to learn how to coexist first, before you start tackling all of the issues that come with an impending marriage.
What the Bible Says:
- Genesis 2:23-25 - "The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife [NOT bf/gf or lover]; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."
- 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 - "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."
- Hebrews 13:4 - "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5- "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God"
- 1 Corinthians 7:2 - "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband."
- Romans 13:14 - “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”
- Matthew 5:14-16 - “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it gives light to all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”
- 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
What other Christians say:
"'Does the Bible say it is wrong for unmarried, unrelated men and women to live together?' is not the right question. The right question to ask is, 'What is God’s will concerning an adult male and an adult female living together?'
According to Genesis 2:24, His revealed will is that only husbands and wives (or family members) should live together.
Why does God say this?
The answer is because living together is an intimate and bonding experience. Living together in the same home where men and women share the same kitchen, bathroom, etc., where they see each other early in the morning and late at night develops intimacy and bonding.
God allows that kind of intimacy only among family members. Why? Because between members of the opposite sex, it can lead to sexual intimacy.
It is very easy to start out as “just friends,” but when sharing an intimate home relationship week after week, talking and relating, seeing each other first thing in the morning and late at night, there is no barrier to that kind of intimacy leading to sexual intimacy.
God’s normal barrier to controlling sexual intimacy between members of the opposite sex is physical separateness, men and women living apart from each other.
When men and women live together intimacy naturally develops. Men can become sexually attracted to women even if they are “just friends.” They are visually stimulated and can be sexually tempted apart from any kind of relationship they have with a woman. Woman often do not realize this, but it is true. Women can become sexually attracted to men who are around them and listen to them especially when they feel vulnerable.
...
Romans 13:14 says, “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”
This verse means we are not to “make provision for the flesh,” that is put ourselves into a situation where we know that we will fall into sin. Living together provides a powerful opportunity for sexual lust.
Even though they may innocently say that circumstances are “forcing” them to live together, they will soon be sleeping together in the same bed. Then sex will follow. Men and women cannot live together when they are romantically involved and not eventually succumb to sexual temptation. It is too powerful. Since living together for a couple makes provision for the flesh, it is condemned by God and is sin." - Ron Jones, Titus Institute; http://titusinstitute.com/datingbible/livingtogether.php
Summary:
We cannot live with the opposite gender outside of a marriage/family relationship and do it "to the glory of God". He has stated in scripture that His desired will is for a man and woman to marry and then live together. We are to be "lights to the world" and to stand out from others with how we conduct our lives; if we are knowingly placing ourselves in a position that can easily lead to sinful compromise, we are not living in a way that will reflect God to those around us.
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This is the book we just completed in Bible study, for anyone who may be interested.
