What Does God Say?: Sexual Morality

For the past few weeks the book we had been going over in Bible study was 'The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment' by Tim Challies.  In one of the final chapters, there was an optional assignment for us to put what we had learned about discernment into practice.  We were to come up with a statement that we've heard people give (such as, "God says not to judge, so don't be judging me," etc.) and find out whether or not it is truth (truth fully backed up by Scripture).  Below is a copy of a friend's submission for the assignment.

Written By: Sarah Iddings - March, 2015


Statement: "It is not morally wrong for me to live with my significant other before marriage."

What is at stake: Sexual morality, obedience to God.

What people say:
You need to live with someone before marriage because...
 
1.) There are all kinds of things you will never learn about a guy until you live with them. And vice versa.
2.) You should want to be with your guy because YOU LOVE HIM, period. Whether you get married or not is secondary.
3.) If you're too set in your ways to live with someone, you're too set in your ways to get married. There are compromises all over the place, even with someone you're really compatible with.
4.) Learning to coexist with someone, especially after you've been single and on your own for a long time, is difficult. Very difficult. Getting engaged also brings with it so many stresses and difficulties, that it seems like the worst possible time to move in together. It's so much better to learn how to coexist first, before you start tackling all of the issues that come with an impending marriage.
 

What the Bible Says:

• Genesis 2:23-25 - "The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife [NOT bf/gf or lover]; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

• 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 - "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."

• Hebrews 13:4 - "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."

• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5- "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God"

• 1 Corinthians 7:2 - "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband."

• Romans 13:14 - “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”

• Matthew 5:14-16 - “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it gives light to all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

• 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

 
What other Christians say:
"'Does the Bible say it is wrong for unmarried, unrelated men and women to live together?' is not the right question. The right question to ask is, 'What is God’s will concerning an adult male and an adult female living together?'
 
According to Genesis 2:24, His revealed will is that only husbands and wives (or family members) should live together.
 
Why does God say this?
 
The answer is because living together is an intimate and bonding experience. Living together in the same home where men and women share the same kitchen, bathroom, etc., where they see each other early in the morning and late at night develops intimacy and bonding.

God allows that kind of intimacy only among family members. Why? Because between members of the opposite sex, it can lead to sexual intimacy.

It is very easy to start out as “just friends,” but when sharing an intimate home relationship week after week, talking and relating, seeing each other first thing in the morning and late at night, there is no barrier to that kind of intimacy leading to sexual intimacy.

God’s normal barrier to controlling sexual intimacy between members of the opposite sex is physical separateness, men and women living apart from each other.

When men and women live together intimacy naturally develops. Men can become sexually attracted to women even if they are “just friends.” They are visually stimulated and can be sexually tempted apart from any kind of relationship they have with a woman. Woman often do not realize this, but it is true. Women can become sexually attracted to men who are around them and listen to them especially when they feel vulnerable.

...

Romans 13:14 says, “Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”

This verse means we are not to “make provision for the flesh,” that is put ourselves into a situation where we know that we will fall into sin. Living together provides a powerful opportunity for sexual lust.

Even though they may innocently say that circumstances are “forcing” them to live together, they will soon be sleeping together in the same bed. Then sex will follow. Men and women cannot live together when they are romantically involved and not eventually succumb to sexual temptation. It is too powerful. Since living together for a couple makes provision for the flesh, it is condemned by God and is sin." - Ron Jones, Titus Institute; http://titusinstitute.com/datingbible/livingtogether.php
 

Summary:
We cannot live with the opposite gender outside of a marriage/family relationship and do it "to the glory of God". He has stated in scripture that His desired will is for a man and woman to marry and then live together. We are to be "lights to the world" and to stand out from others with how we conduct our lives; if we are knowingly placing ourselves in a position that can easily lead to sinful compromise, we are not living in a way that will reflect God to those around us.

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This is the book we just completed in Bible study, for anyone who may be interested.

Letting Go

"... for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." - Hebrews 13:5b

"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

You know that saying, about life throwing curve balls at us when we least expect it?  Sometimes it feels less like life is throwing them one at a time, and more like 100 of 'em all at once, knowing there's absolutely no way we alone can take on all of them without getting hit or missing the majority.  Situations and circumstances can be overwhelming and can easily make us lose our ultimate focus, especially when they seem to happen all at once.

For the past two months my life has been pretty crazy.  Picking up extra overnight shifts here and there at work, trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to make it this fall with an overload of classes and a full time job, situations resulting the the loss of those whom I'd once considered family, personal family matters, etc.  I've felt like I've been running in a thousand directions at once with other activities as well, but to be honest, if one were to ask me exactly what I've been doing lately to keep me that busy, I couldn't even begin to say.  While there's been many awesome happenings as well, the overwhelm of so much going on seemed to take precedence.

Last night I couldn't seem to focus on much else except for the one particular issue that's more of a "doozy" to me.  Without exactly intending to, I kind of vented a bit to one of my best friends about it.  The conversation ended with him saying something simple, but it meant a lot. He'd told me that he would be praying.  Not sure why, but when he said that, it was like through him God was whispering to me, "Hey, I'm still here.  I've not left you and I'm not about to.  Just give it to Me.  It's already been overcome and we're gonna get through this together.  You're not alone."

Sometimes situations and circumstances can overwhelm even the seemingly strongest of people. Especially when life decides to throw everything at you at once. And sometimes it's good to just vent out those frustrations through talking to a friend, writing, or some other means, so that they are off our chest. But to pray to God and lay it all before the throne at His feet...that is when the real peace comes. A peace that goes beyond all understanding of man, a peace that whispers truth, that tells us it's God who is in control now, and He will take care of it. We needn't carry that burden anymore. That's when we can look back at it and see God's work clearly, and learn and grow from what we've overcome by His grace.

Written By: Stephanie DeFoyd

"If The Lord Will"

December 29th, 2010

Come now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and make a profit: Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that. - James 4:13-15

All too often we tend to take our lives here on earth for granted. We make all these plans for our futures, assuming we'll be able to complete them. We believe that we have everything totally "planned out" when we truly don't. We don't know what the next day holds for us, let alone the next hour, or minute, or even the next second! Only God knows.

The above verses came to my mind Monday night on our way home from the hospital. My siblings, dad, some friends of ours and I had met at the ice rink to skate, and we had just started skating when a few of us decided to do a "train." Something happened to where I lost my balance. All I remember was that I was starting to slide under my brother as I fell backward, and feeling my hands slip down his sides as I tried to catch myself. After that, everything went black. When I woke up, my head was throbbing, I was strapped down on a backboard and stretcher with a few EMTs around me, and my dad (whom I could only hear, not see) was off to the side.

To make a somewhat long story short, I was taken to the local hospital, had a few scans done, and later was released after everything came back clear. I had had a pretty major concussion, but nothing was fractured or broken, praise God! But, as we headed home, James 4:13-15 echoed in my mind -- mainly verse fifteen: "For ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this or that."

Earlier that day I had made all these plans for things I wanted to do on Tuesday. For one, I was putting off a much-needed shopping trip until that day. I had also decided that I'd get my hair cut then, and there were other things that I had planned on doing too for fun. I had assumed that I'd be able to do all this. Instead of assuming as I had, my mindset really should have been like the one described in verse fifteen of James chapter four.

God knows what the future holds for each of us, even if we don't. He has a marvelous, spectacular, and awesome plan for His children (Jeremiah 29:11) and will always be with us no matter what (Hebrews 13:5b). May all of us always carry the mindset of, "If the Lord will," in whatever we do!

Only One

September 28th, 2012

Lately I've been working on a birthday gift for a friend of mine. Though I can't say exactly what it is yet, I can say it's gotten me to studying my Bible and pondering on God's words even more. One verse in particular has stood out to me a lot throughout the creation of this gift. 1 Timothy 4:12: "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." Sometimes we think that we can't accomplish great things for God simply because we think we're too young, not strong enough, or (the one I find to be most popular) we're only one person. Thing is, all of those are just one thing: excuses. No matter how one wants to look at it, that's all they are because when you have God by your side, none of that matters. Think you're too young? Not a problem. God can use you despite your age for a variety of things! Not strong enough? Well, that's no biggie. GOD is your strength. With Him, you can do ANYTHING (Philippians 4:13). You're only one person and there's no way you could possibly make a difference? ...Okay, let's stop right here and think about this for a moment.

First off, let's take a look at Luke 18:27; "And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." If God has brings you to something and says He wants to use you and your willing to be used by Him, by golly, there's NOTHING that can hold Him back from doing so. Impossibilities are nonexistent when God is in the picture.

As for you being only one person, that really doesn't even figure in. You can still make a ginormous difference. Probably one of the first times I learned this was while camping when I was little. And to this day I'm still reminded of it just about every time I go.

I'm sure plenty of you know what it's like to have a pretty long and eventful day of hiking, fishing, having fun with friends and family, picnicking, or whatever it is you've done throughout the day, and finally you are just ready to crawl into your tent and sleep. You get in your sleeping bag, get comfortable and start to doze off, the nighttime sounds lulling you into a peaceful sleep. And that's when you hear it. Yep, that obnoxious singing blood-sucker has found you.

You swipe blindly by your ear and it retreats, leaving you to fall back into a fitful sleep. Or so you think. Seconds later, it's back, humming its annoying high-pitched tune in your ear. For me, this is something that goes on throughout the night. Unless of course I'm lucky enough to catch it, but sadly that rarely ever happens. My point here though is that my occasional somewhat sleepless nights while camping usually result from ONE lone mosquito. Not two, not ten. ONE. If just ONE tiny, seemingly insignificant little mosquito can make all the difference in the world on whether or not you or I will get any sound sleep that night, don't you think it's safe to guess that you (just ONE person) can make a huge difference as well with God's help?

No matter who you are, what your age may be, how weak or strong you may be, God can and will use you if you allow Him to. Don't worry about what this world thinks you can or can't do. Let Christ's love be reflected through every aspect of your life no matter what.

Written By: Stephanie DeFoyd

Another Wonderful Year Has Passed; Another Blessed One Begins

Birthdays. Those once a year occasions that one can’t escape or forget about when they have friends and family like mine…or if they have me as their friend or family member. Today marks my 20th and so far I’ve been reminded and wished a happy birthday by my precious friends and family more times than I can count, and it’s barely 10 in the morning!

Being one who rather enjoys birthdays (and not just my own) I find it hard to understand those who claim to dread the coming of theirs every year. Personally, I look forward to celebrating my birthday, and the birth of those around me. Life is a miracle in itself, and a blessing from God our Creator. I find it amazing to think that a little over 20 years ago, my Father started creating me inside my mom’s womb. Even before He created me, He had a beautiful plan already laid out for my life. He knew there would be times that I’d stumble or stray away from Him, and that being human I wouldn’t be anywhere near perfect, yet He still wanted to create me and loves me beyond all comprehension! That’s one beautiful and amazing love right there, and proof that I serve one awesome God.

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them,” (Psalm 139:14-16). King David realized that his creation and birth were nothing short of a miracle of God, and definitely worth celebration and thanksgiving. The king’s life wasn’t by chance, and neither is ours today. It’s by miraculous design that only a mighty and powerful God is capable of.

With every breath I take, I strive to live a life that repeatedly proves that I’m not just by chance; I’m a miracle. I’m a miracle created by the one and only God of the Universe, and nobody can change that. I want to live my life (this miraculous blessing that He has given me) in a way that reflects His power and greatness.


(* Check out the song, "FINGERPRINTS OF GOD" by STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWtbq4tl1w8 *)


Written By: Stephanie DeFoyd

To Give Testimony

Earlier today I found my mind wandering back to everything that has happened in my life over the past two years. I’m just shy of turning twenty, and already so many things (both good and bad) have taken place, or have changed drastically from the way they used to be. There have also been a few things that have opened my eyes to God’s infinite love, eternal mercy, and abundant grace. One of those I thought back on today; my best friend’s car wreck. A few months ago, he fell asleep at the wheel not too far from his house. The car was completely totaled. When I saw the pictures later, I was beyond amazed. Even now chills run up my spine as I think about it. The fact that he survived with only a broken nose and a few stitches was a miracle in itself, and solid proof that my God had had His hand upon him. Through that I was made even more aware of just how numbered our days are. James 4:14 compares our life on this earth to a vapor in the air. One moment it’s there, and in the very next instant, it’s gone forever. It couldn't be a truer comparison.


‘A Vapor That Vanishes…’ is my testimony to God’s amazing grace and His unchanging nature even in the midst of new beginnings and trials. He will always be by my side no matter what, and for that I am eternally thankful! My prayer is that this blog will be a blessing to all who read it, and bring glory not to me, but to whom glory is due: Jesus Christ, my Savior.

Written By: Stephanie DeFoyd